Male annoyances

Well my birthday turned out to actually be ok. My boyfriend, harry, actually came round my house (a rare occasion) and he actualy got me a present!! the thing with my boyfriend is he doesn't understand money management so after the first couple of weeks he's skint until the end of the month when he gets paid. So i end up paying for pretty much everything. It's not too bad but it's not great really.

Ok i have to have a rant now, i have a friend, anthony, and he is possibly one of the most annoying people i know! he calls all women/girls "hussy" trying to cheer someone up it's: "what's wrong hussy" it's like seriously shut up already. He's one of these people that is seriously unattractive but he has money and boasts about it ALOT! he will always say how much this girl (franky) annoys him, but then he goes and spends hours talking to her, she asked him to have a baby with her well apparently she did and he was like yea im going to go for it then he will change his mind and be like well shes asked me to pay for all this stuff so i don't know anymore. He really just needs a hard firm slap.

I feel much better now, you have to be careful who you bitch about and to who, i don't have much trust in people. Stemming from when i had depression. I used to be a self harmer, i'm better now. there's still a chance of a relapse but i just have to put up with it and find other ways of venting when i'm feeling down, usually fags and alcohol now but i am alot better but some stuff is still haunting and some dates can really get me down. i have a crap memory but when it comes to remembering bad stuff i'm a pro. Maybe because it sticks in your memory more, i don't know but i do know that it is very annoying.

My trust problems do mean that most relationships i have i am severley paranoid. Take my current one with harry, we have been together nearly 9 months now. He is going on a stag do this weekend and everytime he starts talking to his friends about it i have to leave and go talk to someone else. Basically i met harry through a bunch of friends that hang around in tesco car park. It's just a simple place to meet up and most of them are his friends but i know them through him and through other people and stuff but they all go out clubbing and stuff together and me still be 17 i can't and a fake id isn't really an option for me. i can't lie.

Last stag weekend he went on was hell he came back and let slip that he went to a strip club, having trust issues already i got overly paranoid, then about a month later harry went to a works bbq and told me i couldn't go with him because he was staying the night and there was no room for me i was fine with that went ot wih my friends (got to ride on the back of a chopper - motorbike not bicycle - i was happy) then he started lying to me sending short textx all the stuff that would make anyone think hmmmm then he went home so i was like ok then what the fucking hell is going on and he just thought it was funny... so anyway now i am amazingly paranoid about him going on the stag weekend when i know he's gonna end up shit faced doing god knows what. It's quite sad but just to get away from it all i'm going to aberdeen to see my best friend tamsin. She lives near me but has gone up to visit her dad that lives there so i'm flying up there in a couple of days just to get away from my paranoia.

The thing is that he gets very defensive when i try to talk to him about problems and just turns i around onto me which means i rarely tell him how i'm feeling which i find really hard but i can't cope with the abuse i get from him when i try to talk to him.
after that rant i should probably be off. Write soon!